[humorix] Windows XP Eliminates Blue Screen Of Death!

[James Baughn <humorix@i-want-a-website.com>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Windows XP Eliminates Blue Screen Of Death!
Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, bero@redhat.de
May 7, 2001

Last month, our Vast Spy Network(tm) reported that
Microsoft had replaced the bluescreen in XP with the "Crash
Wizard".  Earlier today, the VSN snatched the latest build,
only to discover that the Crash Wizard and Blue Screen of
Death had both been completely eliminated.

No, Microsoft didn't copy the Linux or *BSD kernel... they
just replaced the BSOD with the TASOD(tm), or the Themable,
Animated Screen of Death(tm).

By default, when Windows XP crashes, it shows an animation
demonstrating how to reboot the computer.  "First," says
the cartoon character of Bill Gates, "pull the power cord
from the socket.  Next, place the plug back in the socket.
If you have difficulty locating your power outlet, please
contact your system administrator at extension 6838."

Windows XP comes bundled with CRAP(tm), the Central
Repository of Animated Plug-ins, which includes over 1.5
gigabytes of animations that can be shown when a fatal
exception occurs.  

One theme shows the Paperclip dancing around the screen
while saying, "Hello, valued Windows XP user!  I hope you
are enjoying the Windows XP experience brought to you by
Microsoft, the leader in software innovation.   I regret to
inform you that one of your software applications has
crashed.  Of course, this problem was caused by a
non-Microsoft program, because Windows XP and all bundled
applications have been certified Bug-Free(tm). 
Unfortunately, all of your data has been lost and you will
need to reboot your machine. Also, while rebooting, please
ignore the message which accuses you of being an total
idiot for not properly shutting down Windows.  Thank you
for using Windows XP and have a nice reboot!"

Another animated theme targeted at the "corporate
environment" features the "Dancing Filing Cabinet" saying,
"Your computer has crashed and will need to be rebooted. 
At this time let me remind you that destroying your
computer in a fit of rage is against company policy and can
result in termination. Please follow along as I demonstrate
how to use your telephone to contact your system
administrator at extension 6383."

According to a leaked marketing kit, the "6383" telephone
extension is a new "open standard" that will be promoted by
Microsoft as an attempt to show that the company "plays
well with others".  (If your company violates this new
standard because its phone system only supports three digit
extensions, you may request a change for the "trivial
processing fee" of just $1.3 million.)

Windows XP also supports themes created by users.  In light
of this new feature, several stock analysts have given a
"strong buy" recommendation to themes.org.  "Most Windows
users don't care about windows.themes.org because the
Windows program they use most -- the bluescreen -- is not
themable," droned one stock expert.  "But with Windows XP,
that will change, providing a valuable opportunity for
themes.org to boost traffic and banner impressions by
several orders of magnitude.  This is a great time to buy!"


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This article brought to you by the Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm).

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