[humorix] Danish Linux Party: Coming To A Parliament Near You

[James Baughn <humorix@i-want-a-website.com>]

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Danish Linux Party: Coming To A Parliament Near You
April 1, 2001
Nick Sandru, ns@sandes.dk

AFDERT Report
For Immediate Release

This morning the Sjælland Skåne Linux User Group (SSLUG),
based in Copenhagen (Denmark) and Malmö (Sweden) has
announced the creation of a new political party, the Linux
Party (LP).

The first aim for the new political organization is to
participate in the coming legislative elections and to win
Parliament mandates. Danish election laws require that a
party has to collect at least 20,000 supporters' signatures
in order to run for Parliament. SSLUG has over 6,000
members in Denmark and Sweden.

The LP's political programme includes:

- Political orientation: more socialist than the
Social-Democrat Party and more liberal than the Liberal
(Venstre) Party.

- Public health: As people outside hospitals are healthier
than those inside, the LP recommends that everybody stays
home. LP also promotes fish consumption, particularly
herring.

- National bird: The LP will replace the swan with a
penguin as the Danish national bird. The penguin is the
symbol for both socialism, liberalism and freedom.

- Taxes: LP will replace the present Danish tax system with
donations and sponsorships. SSLUG has already achieved
remarkable results with such a plan.

- Financing of public works projects: Politicians who
propose new projects must secure funding on their own.

- Unemployment: Work should be voluntary. Unemployed people
should be able to volunteer to help politicians collect
funds for public works projects.  This will improve
relations among citizens and politicians since they will be
standing side-by-side on the streets of Copenhagen pleading
for money.

- Immigration: The LP does not recognize borders, so that
anybody will be allowed to move to Denmark. The immigrants
will have to learn Danish as part of the integration
program, by translating free software from Danish to their
native language.

- Defense: LP will replace the present compulsory military
service with a volunteer Home Guard. The Danish
international brigade will be financed by sponsorships and
will be allowed to decide freely on every mission. For
example, the brigade command might prefer to send its
troops to London instead of Kosovo, as it is cheaper and
most natives understand English.

- Environment: As LP considers itself as a counterpart for
the German Green Party, the environment has the highest
priority. Openness is the keyword: businesses, for
instance, will have to provide informations on the
pollution they generate. Every food item must be traceable
from production to consumption, by marking it with the URL
of the producer's website. A cattle farmer's website must
contain pictures of the cows and information on any
diseases they may have.

- Infrastructure: Broadband Internet connections for
everyone!

The LP also aims to reunite the Swedish Skåne province with
the Danish island Sjælland, thus creating a new nation.
Skåne was a part of Denmark until 350 years ago. For this
purpose the LP has established a Skåne chapter based in
Malmö.  It hasn't been decided what the new nation will be
called, although some have suggested that the letters 
L-I-N-U-X appear in it.

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