[humorix] Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998?

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Hey, Is That Unread Email From 1998?
February 28, 2001

It's that time to clear out all of the accumulated
stuff from my email inbox that I haven't bothered to
respond to since 1998.  Keep reading
for "Swifties" (no, not "Quickies", that's a Slashdot trademark)
about red hats, spam, Word's auto-incorrect feature, and
the ultimate video game controller.


* Red Hats And Earthquakes

Kit L. Lo writes, 

   When I was reading the NY Times, I saw a picture of the
   Pope installing new cardinals in Vatican City.  
   Question: Does Red Hat have anything to do with giving
   away red hats to the newly installed cardinals?  Does
   Linux have a place in the Vatican (well, the Vatican web
   site uses Tru64)?

I don't know the answer to that question.  

In related news, a major earthquake struck the Seattle area
right in the middle of a Bill Gates speech about the
innovative new features of Windows XP.  

Coincidence?  I think not.


* Scams And Spams

Recently, my inbox has been filling to the brim with the
following piece of spam:

   Dear Windows User,

   Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows
   ME, 95 and 98 to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000,
   Microsoft's professional and  industrial version of
   Windows (sic).

   The new WinFix 4.4 is a very effective way to improve
   the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows
   fault-tolerant and self-repairing. And WinFix is very
   safe, because it operates completely independent of
   Windows.

After I stopped ROTFL, I dispatched the Vast Spy
Network(tm) to do a little research on the company
promoting this gimmick.

The results?  "WinFix 4.4" is a distribution of Linux. 

But you already guessed that, right?


* The Paperclip Did It

Bernhard Rosenkraenzer sent this item:

Tech pundits were shocked earlier today when Microsoft
issued a press release entitled "Windows XP Can't Beat
Linux".

The article, however, was far less interesting.  It merely
rambled about the increasing progress and "innovation" of
Windows, without mentioning Linux at all.

At first many readers suspected that Microsoft was merely
Linux-baiting to draw more attention to their otherwise
vapid press release. However, one should never attribute to
malice what can adequately be explained by Microsoft
software flaws.  In this case, we have learned that a bug
in Microsoft's Word spellchecker auto-corrected the title
"Windows XP, CE, NT beat Linux" without prompting the user.

Microsoft officials were not available for comment.


* Another Millisecond, Another Bluescreen Joke

I usually ignore email from Hotmail that arrives with an
image attachment in Windows Bitmap format. However, the
following image, sent in by "Meep!" was too good to pass
up.  Let's just be thankful that The GIMP can handle .bmp
graphics, saving me from booting into Windows (Or did I
format that partition to free up more space?) and
experiencing yet another bluescreen.

Download the image from:
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/feb01-xbox.png

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