[humorix] Death And Microsoft Taxes

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Death And Microsoft Taxes
Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, bero@redhat.de
February 26, 2001

REDMOND, WA -- No more Mr. Nice Monopoly.  That's the
message Microsoft is sending with a new initiative called
"Microsoft Tax 2.0".  Well, it's not actually called that. 
In order not to upset the ongoing appeals process,
Microsoft is using the euphemism "Intellectual Property
Royalty And It's For The Children Fee".

Microsoft claims that they have an ironclad trademark on
".NET".  Therefore, starting today, Microsoft will charge a
US$100 per month royalty fee on all .net domain names,
ranging from a.net to linux.net all the way up to
dammitmynamedotcomandmynamedotorgwerealreadytakensoihadtogetmyname.net

At a press conference, WIPO spokesperson C. Ashley Quick 
showed approval for Microsoft's new anti-piracy fee and
tax.

"Clearly .NET is a registered trademark of Microsoft," he
said. "In order to protect this valuable property from the
hordes of Napster-using, anti-capitalistic, immoral,
no-good pirates that span the globe, it is only natural,
and legal, that Microsoft collects these royalty payments. 
It is, after all, designed to protect the interests of
Microsoft's shareholder's children."

That same spokesperson was later seen on the street
carrying two large sacks bearing the words "MICROSOFT BRIBE
MONEY" and a large dollar sign.

Lawyers from Network Solutions have questioned the validity
of Microsoft's claim on the entire .net TLD.  "We at NSI
have always had the exclusive right to charge exorbitant
taxes...er, fees on domain registrations and then turn
around and sell our captives'... er, customers' marketing
data to other companies.  We have a patent on this business
model.  Our patent trumps your trademark any day of the
week!"

Microsoft's own lawyers shot back in a press release, "We
have considerable prior art.  Indeed, we have a restaurant
napkin from the 1970s in which Bill Gates sketched out his
world domination plan, part of which included snatching up
really obvious trademarks on popular things and then
hitting everyone on the head with royalty taxes.  So
there!"

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