[humorix] Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank You, Jim Allchin!

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank You, Jim Allchin!
February 15, 2001

Humorix's stock (Nasdaq: FAUX) soared 50% in heavy trading
today after word spread that Microsoft's OS chief, Jim
Allchin, had claimed that open source would "stifle
innovation" and had boasted, "We can build a better product
than Linux."
[http://news.cnet.com/investor/news/newsitem/0-9900-1028-4825719-RHAT.html?tag=ltnc]

The latest Microsoft FUD barrage is expected to produce a
windfall for online humor publications.  "You simply can't
make this stuff up," said one industry observer.  "We
haven't seen this kind of humor gold mine since Jesse Berst
or Microsoft Bob."

Morale has improved drastically at Humorix World
Headquarters following the news.  "Finally, something to
live for!" explained Dances With Herring, Humorix's
investigative reporter.  "We now have a nice easy target to
poke fun at.  What a morale boost for humor writers
everywhere."

Indeed, Jim Allchin's "What's Good For Microsoft Is Good
For The Country" pronouncement might single-handedly avoid
a second Humorix strike.  "Things were getting a little
tense... we're losing money and there just wasn't anything
worth poking fun at," explained one Vast Spy Network(tm)
member.  "Until now."

Unfortunately, some workers haven't quite gotten over the
first strike from last year.  Humorix's Investment
Relations Weasal & Executive Book Cooker never got the memo
about the first strike ending; he's been picketing alone
outside the front gates for months and hasn't figured it
out yet.   

Several investment houses have upgraded Humorix's stock
from "Only a complete idiot would consider this stock" all
the way up to "Go ahead and buy some, at least it's worth
the paper it's printed on, unlike most dotcoms". Some
analysts were startled to learn that Humorix has been
online for two-and-a-half years, a length of time that
exceeds the life expectancy for a typical dotcom by at
least 90%.

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