[humorix] Microsoft Acquires Open Source (Again)

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Microsoft Acquires Open Source (Again)
January 31, 2001

REDMOND, WA -- In a stroke of genius that seems oddly out
of character for Microsoft, the software bohemoth has found
another way to claim ownership of every single piece of
open source software.  At the risk of flushing away any
journalistic integrity we still have (yeah right), we here
at Humorix blame the redesign of Freshmeat for this whole
mess.

That's right.  When Freshmeat II was unveiled, every
software project was temporarily given an owner of "N/A" or
"Not Available".  Microsoft employees somehow discovered
and exploited a bug in Freshmeat's new codebase that
allowed them to change "N/A" to "Microsoft".  Now every
single project on the Freshmeat system is owned by
Microsoft.  

A team of Microsoft employees have spent the last 24 hours
traversing the Freshmeat database and changing the license
for every software project to the GPL -- Grossly Private
License[1].  They've also pointed every link to the
Microsoft website (which, surprisingly, appears to be
online).

Unfortunately, Freshmeat's webmaster has been unable to
deal with the Microsoft hostile takeover because he has
been inundated with flame mail from disgruntled visitors
upset over the new site design.

You might be wondering, "So what?  Just because Freshmeat's
database is now corrupt doesn't mean that Microsoft
actually owns of these software projects."

Bzzzzzzt!  According to our own legal counsel, Mr. Noah
Morals, Microsoft has a strong claim on open source.  "Just
yesterday Microsoft created a subsidiary called 'Not
Available(tm)'.  Since 'Not Available' is a Microsoft
trademark, they can claim that Freshmeat's ownership field
refers to them, thus making Microsoft the rightful (gag)
owner of every piece of software listed on Freshmeat."

Well, we aren't going to argue with the fact that 'Not
Available' is a Microsoft trademark.  In light of their
recent website outages, 'Not Available' is quite an
accurate reflection of Microsoft's quality (or lack
thereof).  

Nevertheless, this biased reporter feels that Microsoft's
argument has more holes than Windows NT security.  But
don't be surprised if the next version of Linux is licensed
under the Grossly Private License and has the Microsoft
logo plastered all over the place.


[1] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/aug00.shtml#MS-GPL


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