[humorix] Microsoft Website Crashes, World Does Not Come To An End

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Microsoft Website Crashes, World Does Not Come To An End
January 27, 2001

REDMOND, WA -- In a crushing blow to Bill Gates' ego, world
civilization did not collapse when the Microsoft website
was offline for an extended period last week.  

During the anti-trust trial, Microsoft's lawyers repeatedly
warned that if the company was broken up or dealt any other
penalty (no matter how trivial), it would not only cost the
tech industry billions of dollars, but it could decimate
the entire world economy and even bring about the start of
World War III. At the risk of sounding like a biased,
slanted, overzealous journalist, let me just say: Yeah,
right!

The stunning realization that the world does not revolve
around Redmond (yet) has plunged many Microsoft executives
into shock. "But microsoft.com is the single most important
website in the world!   And Microsoft is the single most
important company in the Universe!  This can't be
happening!  Why isn't civilization teetering on the edge
right now?" said one depressed President Of Executive Vice.

Nevertheless, Microsoft's PR spinmeisters have pulled
consecutive all-nighters to put the right spin on this
public relations nightmare. "The Microsoft outage was a
good thing," chirpped one spokesman who hasn't slept in 53
hours.  "Contrary to those Linux zealots, businesses don't
need 99.9% uptimes for their websites.  Our site was
offline for days at a time, and it had no negative
consequences for this company or the industry.  So what's
so great about stability?  Windows 2000 delivers a 75%
uptime guarantee -- and that's more than enough for almost
any business."

Another PR flack added, "Hey, if we didn't have to devote
so many resources to fight off malicious attacks by the
Department of Injustice, we could've hired more competent
network admins to prevent the kind of problems that we saw
this week. The outage was all Janet Reno's fault!"

What caused the outage in the first place?  At first we
here at Humorix were content to chalk it up to yet another
"known issue" in Windows, but now we're not so sure.  Our
Vast Spy Network(tm) has uncovered some preliminary
evidence that it may have been perpetrated by... well, we
won't say until we know more.  Stay tuned for all of the
latest fake news as we make it up.

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