[humorix] Hot Grits & First Patches: Coming Soon To A Kernel Near You

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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Hot Grits & First Patches: Coming Soon To A Kernel Near You
January 20, 2001

Today marks the end of the kernel as we know it.   In an
effort to speed up kernel releases, reduce stress, and put
an end to Microsoft's ongoing denial of service attack,
Linus Torvalds has shifted kernel development over to a
self-adjusting, self-moderating code-sharing system not
unlike Slashdot.  

In a statement to linux-kernel, Linus explained, "Even a
benevolent dictator needs his free time.  Hopefully I'll
now have the time to drink more beer,  sign autographs for
the teeming millions of groupies, and finish off that flame
war with Andy Tanenbaum."

With the new system, code-named "Karmix", moderators will
assign points to submitted code patches.  Those patches
that reach "Score 5, Nice Hack" will automatically be
included in the next kernel release.

Well, that's the theory at least.  The system has been
online for a few hours already, and things aren't looking
good.  Nearly 2,000 people have submitted "First patches!"
(Score -1, Redundant), and another 1,000 or so Anonymous
Cowards have posted patches that display nude pictures of
Natalie Portman when the kernel boots (Score -1, Get A
Life).

The only patch to reach "Score 5, Interesting" is a piece
of code that translates the string "www.nytimes.com" into
"partners.nytimes.com" so that New York Times articles can
be read online without registration.

"Now if this patch isn't karma whoring," one anonymous
Karmix user wrote, "I don't know what is."

Indeed, many people have expressed criticism of the new
system. "This is awful.  Now the kernel will be filled
with  bad haiku, lame Microsoft jokes, and endless
references to hot grits and Beowulf clusters.  If this goes
on, I might have to do the unthinkable -- switch to
FreeBSD."

Somebody else commented, "According to Sturgeon's Law, 90%
of everything is crap.  Well, under this new system, 99.9%
of kernel patches are crap.  And that number is
asymptotically approaching 100% as we speak."

Nevertheless, Linus defends the moderation scheme, saying,
"Hey, it works for me!"

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