[humorix] It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit!

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

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Warning:  humorous content ahead.
To prevent overdosage for the sensitive readers, please
take your discussions to humorix-l@nl.linux.org...
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It's Not A Bug, It's A Lawsuit!
December 9, 2000

REDMOND, WA -- In a move that could yield billions of
dollars (as if they need it), Microsoft is claiming that
each and every bug in Windows is protected by copyright. 
Squadron C of the Microsoft Briefcase Commando Unit has
already deployed a series of lawsuits against rival
companies.

"Macintosh systems contain bugs that cause the system to
crash," explained Microsoft PR Handler #562. "And so does
Windows. However, _our_ bugs are protected by copyrights
and patents. We were the first to innovate bug-ridden,
crash-prone operating systems.  Apple is infringing on our
property, plain and simple!"

Well, it doesn't seem that plain and simple to this Humorix reporter.
Apparently Microsoft wants other companies to pay royalties
because of flaws in Microsoft's own products.  What a racket!

Linux is also a possible target in the new Microsoft legal
strategy. One anonymous source informed us, "Microsoft will
claim that Linux's kernel panic errors are 'substantially
similar' to the 'look and feel' of the Blue Screen of
Death.  They don't have a leg to stand on.  But then again,
what with the wackiness down in Florida, all bets are off
when it comes to the courts."

If Microsoft's lawyers are successful in court, then this
strategy of "turning-flaws-into-gold" could make the
world's richest man even richer.

"Recent studies show that productivity in the tech
workplace is decreasing," explained a pundit.  "Why? Well,
because of Windows, of course.  There's all kinds of bugs
and 'intermittent issues' that Microsoft could milk.  For
example, just look at the horrible memory management in
Windows, and compare  it to the even more horrible memory
management in Mozilla. Can you say 'lawsuit?'. I knew you
could."

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