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Re: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants"
Hi!
The Villains Org would like to link to you. Do you have a suitable button
type thig to use?
Tony
www.villains.co.uk
(always in need of aderts and stories!)
--
Tony Blews, ICQ #81546044 Yahoo: blews2000
tony@blews.net a.blews@ukonline.co.uk
-----Original Message-----
From: James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>
To: Humorix Mailing List <humorix@nl.linux.org>
Date: Sunday, August 20, 2000 1:50 AM
Subject: [humorix] The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants"
>The Next Big Thing: "Clairvoyant Consultants"
>August 19, 2000
>
>Nobody likes to deal with tech support or customer service
>reps. A growing number of people are getting sick of being
>put on hold for three hours and then paying ridiculous "per
>incident" fees so some Microserf can tell them to
>"reinstall the operating system!"
>
>Desperate users are turning to an unlikely source to
>diagnose and fix software problems: psychics. Palm[Pilot]
>readers, 1-900 number operators, and clairvoyant
>consultants are quickly becoming the hottest careers in the
>tech sector.
>
>Explained Madam Cosmos, owner of the Main Street Mysticism
>Temple in Keokuk, Iowa, "With my special powers, I can
>track down the source of any problem. Got a rogue Registry
>entry that's causing Bluescreens? I'll find it. Missing a
>curly bracket in your Perl program but can't locate it
>because the error messages are so unhelpful? I'll know
>where it is even before you walk in my door."
>
>There's defintely no shortage of success stories. Said one
>Madam Cosmos client, "I was having trouble setting up PPP
>on my new Linux box. I spent hours searching for the damn
>text file where I'm supposed to configure the IPs of my
>ISP's DNS servers... boy do I hate acronyms. Madam Cosmos
>took out some tea leaves, did her thing, and
>"/etc/resolv.conf" appeared before her eyes. That was
>exactly what I needed to know. But what the hell is
>"resolv.conf" supposed to mean anyways?"
>
>Ms. Clair V. Oyent of San Jose, California has seen her
>business quadruple during the past year. "Two years ago I
>made all of my money on the usual fare: predicting winning
>lottery numbers, giving stock tips, reading Tarot cards.
>But not anymore. These days, all of my clients are geeks."
>
>"The strangest request I had," she continued, "came last
>week. The client, who looked suspiciously like a fairy
>penguin, wanted to know the source of all of the 'Benchmark
>Toner Supply' spams he kept getting every 3.2 minutes. It
>only took a few seconds of work to bring the address into
>focus on my crystal ball: BENCHMARK SUPPLY, 5334 LAKE VIEW
>CLUB, ATLANTA GA 30338. Upon hearing this information, the
>client grinned wryly and said, 'Mr. Benchmark will never
>send another spam to the Linux Kernel Mailing List ever
>again. Mwahahahaha!'"
>
>[Editor's Note: Just as this story went to press, we
>received a rumor that a certain building in Atlanta had
>been destroyed by fire. Investigators, according to this
>unreliable source, suspected arson. One eyewitness reported
>seeing "a strange tuxedo-wearing creature carrying a bottle
>of lighter fluid while munching on what appeared to be
>fish" just before the building burst into flames. We can
>only hope that this rumor is true.]
>
>The number of psychics offering tech-related services is
>expected to increase 1,000% during the next year. Said
>Mrs. Dee Viner, chairperson for the Southern California
>Association of Mystics, "It's like a gold rush out here.
>With all of the dotcoms downsizing or folding, many
>psychics have been able to lease office space for pennies
>on the dollar. For instance, when
>HotOnlineLivestockAuctions.com shut down its company
>bowling alley in order to save precious Venture Capital,
>they leased it to a soothsayer for just peanuts. Now
>Colina's Clairvoyant Consultant Company & Bowling Alley is
>raking in money, while the dotcom next door has about $15
>worth of assets."
>
>Companies are starting to rely on psychics, as well. One
>company recently replaced its system administrator with a
>clairvoyant consultant. "Our C.C. can track down a problem
>using her crystal ball much faster than our old tech
>could," said the President of Bob's Used Appliance
>Company. "Plus, our employees can get their fortunes told
>while on their coffee break. It's great."
>
>He added, "We're at the cusp of the next great trend in the
>company industry. Or at least, that's the future that my
>C.C. predicts."
>
>-
>Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
>Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
>Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
>
-
Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/