[humorix] Ask Humorix: So You Want To Start Your Own Linux User Group

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Ask Humorix: So You Want To Start Your Own Linux User Group
June 14, 2000

Anonymous Superuser writes, "I'm a hard-core geek and 
Stage 7 Linux zealot[1] living in some podunk town in the
Internet B@ckwater... er, the Midwest.  I look at the
active Linux User Groups in other states with envy. I see
members in those LUGs getting free Linux CDs, discounts at
Linux Conventions, the secret handshake, job offers at
companies that don't use Windows, and the chance to meet
Geek Girls. I want some of that! So how do I go about
starting a new Linux User Group even though I suspect I
might be the only Linux user in a ten-county radius?"

The Humorix Oracle responds:

As it turns out, I'm the founder of the  Linux User Group
for Non-corporeal Unhindered Telepaths (LUG-NUT) which
counts over 250 oracular dieties among its members
(including the great Internet Oracle himself). So, I know a
thing or two million about starting such a group.

Here is a brief mini-HOWTO:

* Finding members

The "Group" in LUG is plural, which means that you'll need
to find warm bodies other than yourself. Now I suppose you
could become a LUI (Linux User Individual), but that isn't
going to get you free stuff or a date. 

I'm willing to bet you a copy of Windows 2000 (retail
value: US$200, actual value: $0) that there's more Linux
users in your area than you realize. World domination is at
hand, after all, which means that people other than Silicon
Valley eccentrics have to know about it. Heck, I was at the
Annual OracleExpo 2000 in some remote town in Kansas last
month and I saw signs of Linux usage. A sales rep at
Wal-Mart (of all places) demonstrated knowledge of Linux
when I asked whether the SuperMaxWidgetMaster Deluxe
Professional Advanced GizmoTronX 2000 (at 75% off, an
excellent deal even though I'm not entirely sure what it
does) was supported by the 2.4 Linux kernel. He didn't
know, but he did direct me to
comp.os.linux.obscure-hardware.will-it-run-on-linux.

So, I think there's plenty of Linux users in your area. The
problem is that you have to find them. Your typical Linux
geek is going to be introverted, hiding in their basement
toiling away on some stupid Open Source project or lame
Linux humor site.

Your local bookstore is a good place to track down the
elusive geek. Hang Out By The O'Reilly Books (HOBTOB) and
be on the lookout for anyone who picks up a Linux or Unix
related book. Don't say anything until you see the whites
of the Penguins on the cover. Then pounce! Casually strike
up a conversation about Linux and then happen to mention
that you're thinking of maybe possibly perhaps forming a
small informal Linux User Group. That ought to get their
attention. 

While I'm thinking about it (us non-corporeal Oracular
beings tend to be a bit scatter-brained, you know): when
you're ready to start promoting your LUG, be sure to insert
flyers into the Linux books sitting on the bookstore's
shelves. If you're caught doing this on surveillance tape,
just say to the manager, "What? Your surveillance system
must be flawed. It isn't running Windows is it?"

The Computer Science department of your local university
(assuming such a thing exists) is also a natural place to
look. The stereotypical geek is shy -- until you mention
Linux, and then they'll go into a frenzy. You might want to
take a bullhorn to the CompSci department (or the dorms
where the geeks live) and make an announcement. When the
geeks hear the word "Linux" they'll stop their Quake game
or Napster session and flock to you like RIAA lawyers to an
MP3 site.

You might also try to infect the Windows computers on
campus with the Tuxissa virus[2], which would certainly get
the point across, unfortunately you'll be in jail while the
first LUG meeting takes place without you. Perhaps it would
be best if you just posted flyers around campus, which is
the more traditional method least likely to get you in
trouble with the Department of Public Safety & Parking
Ticket Gestapos. 

You'll also want to try to attract other people beyond the
usual Linux geeks. There's plenty of disgruntled Windows
users who would be happy to venture to the light side (as
opposed to dark) and try Linux. You'll need to focus on
Linux Advocacy.

There's one thing that binds all computer users together:
The Windows bluescreen. This should be used as a rallying
cry for converting people to Linux. Everyone has seen the
BSOD... and when you can prove to them that there exists an
operating system that doesn't have this abomination,
they'll be primed and ready for World Domination.

When I say everyone has seen the bluescreen, I mean
everyone. Lots of TV stations use Windows boxes for weather
maps. Which means, of course, that lots of TV stations have
shown the Blue Screen Of Death on-air. I'm  not making this
up[3]. From airport terminals to big screen displays to
local yokel TV stations, the Bluescreen is ubiquitous.

Hopefully you'll be able to find enough geeks (or convert
enough Microserfs) to start a LUG. If not, however, there's
always another alternative: the Beer User Group (BUG). You
should have no trouble finding enough people interested in
adult beverages. All you have to do is form a BUG and while
everyone is drunk, gently nudge the members into talking
about computers, and then, Linux. Before long you'll
subvert your BUG into a LUG. 

* Meeting place

After you've located enough prospective members you'll need
to decide on a time and place to hold the first meeting.
Your first instict might be to hold it on IRC (your social
gathering place of choice), but LUGs are meatspace
organizations. You do realize that you'll need to venture
outside into the bright sunshine (with sunscreen if your
skin is only accustomed to florescent light)  in order to
meet with other Linux users, right? 

The two keys to any successful LUG meeting place are: (a)
unlimited caffeine supply and (b) good Internet access (on
computers running Linux, of course). 

Unfortunately, finding a decent Net connection in the
Internet B@ckwater is, by definition, nearly impossible.
Broadband is a pipe dream in many places, and yet, you
don't win friends with a dial-up connection. Even worse,
some particularly remote areas might have obnoxious TPFHs
(Telephone Monopolies From Hell) that don't even offer
dial-up.

In certain areas of the Missouri Ozarks, for instance, your
only choice for Net access is RFC 1149 (but without RFC
2549) [4]. You put everything you want to send on a floppy
disk and hand it off to a carrier pigeon which transports
it to trained monkeys sitting in an office near St. Louis.
After relaying your queued data, the monkeys send back
another disk with the stuff that you requested to download.
The whole process takes about 6 hours. At 1.44MB per disk
(and one floppy is a heavy load for a bird anyways) that
comes out to around 546 bits per second one-way at peak
performance, less during foul weather or if the birds gets
too close to Lambert International Airport.

But I digress. Us oracular dieties do have a tendency to
venture off on irrelevant tangents, much like the
discussions on Slashdot. We've even been known to go off on
meta-tangents in which we engage in offtopic babbling about
offtopic babbling. But I meta-digress.

Even if Internet access isn't readily available, you'll
still want to have a bunch of Linux computers handy if
possible. This way your members can show off the latest
Unix trick they learned or (more importantly) play Quake
against other members.

* Promotion

You'll need to get the word out about your LUG to
prospective members. The local newspaper _might_ be a good
place to try. If you can get the paper's "tech pundit"
interested, then that's great. Unfortunately, the media
conglomerates in most small Midwestern towns tend to hire
Jesse Berst wannabees as tech columnists. I know of one
local yokel pundit who makes the Ziff-Davis staff look like
geniuses; not only does he spell Linux as "Lenix" (_if_ he
actually mentions it) but he refers to any anti-Microsoft
argument as "FUD". Convincing someone like that to do a
writeup about your LUG is probably about as likely as Open
Source Windows.

Certainly you should be able to drum up support via the
Internet. You'll want to post to comp.os.linux.announce and
alt.linux.user-groups.dammit-i-need-warm-bodies, as well as
the various LUG directories. It would be nice if you could
get a mention on a local community website, but that might
not be possible in extreme parts of the Internet B@ckwater.
One, such websites might not exist, and two, they might all
be running on Windows NT.  One Southeast Missouri links
directory[5] has been showing the same ASP error for over a
year now (a display that is almost becoming as ubiquitous
as the Bluescreen).

* Conclusion

Hopefully you'll be able to take these suggestion and
formulate a plan for creating a successful (read: contains
lots of Geek Girls) LUG. I recommend that you write out a
plan ahead of time on a wrinkled napkin while dining in a
busy restaurant, which is the method 6 out of 10 dotcom
billionaires prefer for composing their business plans.
Your Linux User Group won't be a for-profit dotcom, of
course... but you never know.

You owe the Oracle one Humorix T-shirt[6], which the
beancounters over at Humorix World Headquarters are too
cheap to buy for staff writers.


[1] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/nov99.shtml#User-Evolution
[2] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/mar99.shtml#Tuxissa
[3] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/apr99.shtml#Tech-Rage
[4] http://info.internet.isi.edu:80/in-notes/rfc/files/rfc1149.txt
    http://info.internet.isi.edu:80/in-notes/rfc/files/rfc2549.txt
[5] http://www.semolinks.com
[6] http://www.cafepress.com/humorix

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