[humorix] Corporate Tycoons Want You To Make A GESTURE

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Corporate Tycoons Want You To Make A GESTURE
April 13, 2000

NORTH CAROLINA -- Jon Katz is  ranting[1] about WAVE, a
program designed to reduce school violence by encouraging
school tattling.  However, most people are ignoring a
similar campaign called GESTURE (Getting Employees
Stimulated To Undermine Responsible Ethics) to remove
ethics and  social responsibility[2] from corporations. 
"School violence is unwanted.  Corporate ethics is also
unwanted.  It's time to take a stand against employees who
let profit take a back seat to values," said a spokesman
for Blackerton, the corporation behind the new campaign.

Blackerton has established a site at GestureAmerica.com for
the new program.  Employees who suspect co-workers or
bosses of unusual behavior can post anomymous tips at the
site and possibly win prizes.  GESTURE defines unusual
behavior as "anything that might lead to the inappropriate
spread of ethics, morality, social responsibility,
fairness, virtue, integrity, or honor into the for-profit
corporate environment."

According to the GESTURE site, corporate ethics is a
growing problem, much like a weed.  "All corporations have
a duty to their shareholders to make as much money as
possible," states one online pamphlet titled, "Tip Your Cap
to Capitalism". "Anything that gets in the way of profit
must be eliminated.  Do you think Bill Gates would be the
richest man today if he actually cared about values?  Yeah,
right!"

Among the warning signs the GESTURE campaign wants
employees to be on the lookout for include:

* Donating company money to charities for purposes other
  than tax-writeoffs.  

* Adopting Open Source software.  Said one GESTURE
  spokesweasal, "The idealism behind the Free Software
  Foundation has no place in business.  Linux, Apache, and
  other 'free speech' software is a subversive meme that
  could destroy everything Adam Smith held dear.  Anyone
  who is connected with this virus in any way should be
  re-educated as swiftly as possible to prevent values from
  creeping into business."

* Using phrases like "that's not right", "I can't with good
  conscious do that" or "I have principles to live up to"
  at business meetings.  Such people are obviously using
  other critieria besides money in making decisions, a
  definite no-no.

* Displaying a concern for the environment, for human
  rights, or for any other non-profit-making cause. "If a
  manager starts complaining about the sweatshops the
  company operates in El Salvador, it's time to fire him
  before he ruins everything," says one GESTURE pamphlet.

* Embracing competition to help make products better and
  cheaper for consumers.  "We just can't have that," a
  GESTURE staffer said.  "Eliminating competition is not
  evil.  What's good for Microsoft is good for the
  country."

The GESTURE Campaign will be running a series of nationally
aired TV commercials promoting their cause and holding up
such corporations as Microsoft, Nike, and the MPAA as
corporate roles models.

[1] http://slashdot.org/features/00/04/09/142244.shtml
[2] http://slashdot.org/askslashdot/00/03/16/2052216.shtml

---

James Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
-
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