[humorix] Rob Malda Buys Mir Space Station

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Rob Malda Buys Mir Space Station
Matthew "He beat me to the punch!" Adair
April 10, 2000
from the geeks-(pause)-in-(pause)-space! dept.

In a suprising move yesterday, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
announced that he and the rest of the Slashdot crew had
purchased the Russian Space Station Mir for a mere
$5,000,000.  A firestorm broke out on Slashdot shortly
afterwards, with people roasting each other alive in the
debate as to why Taco Boy had bought the aging space
station.

In the live episode of "Geeks in Space" that ran shortly
after the purchase, Rob said that, "with all of the money
we got from VA Linux and Andover for selling out to them,
we were able to contact the Russian Space Agency and offer
them a few million for the thing."  When asked why he
bought the station, Rob only said, "Well, look at it this
way... we need a way to defend ourselves from the Krul
invasion... or we could broadcast Geeks in Space from
space.  Hmmm... an orbiting Mexican restaurant might be
nice. Actually, we don't really know what we're gonna do
with it." 

Humorix contacted the Russian government to see if we could
get any additional info.  In particular, we wanted to know
about the low 5 million dollar price tag and, more
importantly, if the Russians would still accept a higher
bid.  Humorix stock rose 5/8 points yesterday, so now we've
got money to burn.  We already have a fleet of spy
satellites.  A space station, no matter how run-down, would
be a nice addition.

We spoke with RSA Director Vladimir Chenkov, who flatly
stated that the deal had already been made and that we were
out of luck.  He did mention that Iridium might still be
for sale cheap, though.  When we asked why Russian had been
so quick to sell Mir, he answered, "You see, we had this
worthless piece of [Russian expletive] floating in space. 
When some American idiot... er, buyer, was interested in
acquiring it, we didn't hesitate.  Five million dollars
might seem like a bargain to Mr. Malda, but we'll be able
to use the windfall to pay our salaries this year.  Our
employees will be happy to see a paycheck."

Comments on Slashdot ranged from "HAHA! Taco Boy is an
idiot for buying that piece of *%$#! (Score: -1,
Flamebait)" to "How does he think he's gonna get to Mir?
It's not like the Geek Compound has a launch pad... or does
it? (Score: 2, Insightful)" to "You fools! Haven't you seen
the list of people signing up for rides? I swear I saw some
GNUist party members in there! It's part of their
conspiracy! (Score: -100, Paranoid [There Is No
Conspiracy])"

Immediately after the announcement rumors circulated that
Microsoft intended to launch a nuclear missile at Mir from
their subterranean Redmond command center.  We suspect this
rumor is false.  After all, Microsoft's command center is
located in the Nevada desert, not Redmond.

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