[humorix] Cartoonix: Microsoft Anti-Trust Remedy 1.0

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Cartoonix: Microsoft Anti-Trust Remedy 1.0
April 9, 2000

Last week's ruling against Microsoft prompted much cheering
and partying within Linux circles, but now it's time to
settle down and decide what to do with the Evil Empire. 
While the best remedy would be to aim a missile (or twenty)
towards Redmond, Washington, such a plan might raise a few
small legal issues.  

One remedy (among others) that we here at Humorix propose
is a Truth In Advertising requirement for all Microsoft
product promotions.  An advertising clause similar to the
one in the old BSD license would be imposed.  The Microsoft
Marketing Department (motto: "We make lawyers look like
angels") would then be required to list the names of every
company that has contributed (willingly or unwillingly) to
the Microsoft product being advertised.

In order to avoid typical Microsoft cheating, such credits
must be printed in a font that could actually be read by an
average person without experiencing severe eye damage.  Of
course, the amount of paper needed to place even one print
advertisement would consume vast tracks of rainforest, but
we believe that it's worth it.

We've prepared a sample advertisement for Windows 2000 that
demonstrates this Truth In Advertising requirement in
action.

You can download the PNG format graphic
(56KB, 500 x 500 pixels) at:
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/apr00-msft-ad.png

Or you can read the version below brought to
you by crude two-dimensional ASCII-Vision technology:

------------------------------------------------------------

    Another Satisfied
          
        MICROSOFT Customer...
  
+----------+   As the inventor of the Internet, I know a
|          |   quality server operating system when I see
| SMILING  |   one.  Microsoft Windows 2000(tm) provides
|          |   innovative features that no other competitor
|   GORE   |   can claim.
|          |
|  PHOTO   |   We've been using Windows at the White House
|          |   for five years now without any problems. 
|          |   Windows' BlueScreen(tm) technology
+----------+   automatically crashes our Exchange(tm) email
               server whenever Federal investigators are
  Al Gore      around.  Thanks to this feature, archives of
               incriminating emails have been wiped clean. 
               This is what I call innovation. Thank you,
               Microsoft!


Microsoft Windows 2000 is based on            [Windows Logo]
technology produced by Xerox, Apple, IBM,
Bell Labs, Valence Software, ZoomIt Co.,
Red Hat, Symantec, Spyglass, Sun                   [Patented
Microsystems, Santa Cruz Operation,               BlueScreen
Corel, VisiCorp, Cooper Software,                 Technology
LinkAge Software, Caldera, General Magic,              Logo]
Dynamical Systems, Citrix, AT&T, the GNU
Project, Sendmail Inc., Novell,
Borland/Inprise, Digital Research, NeXT,
Informix, Netscape, and Yale, Dartmouth,
MIT, Berkeley, and Stanford Universities.
BlueScreen technology is an original
Microsoft innovation created by the
BlueScreen Development Team, headed by
Steve Ballmer and Ed Muth.  This
paragraph complies with the Department of
Injustice's vigilante kangaroo court
consent decree.                             [Microsoft Logo]

------------------------------------------------------------

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