[humorix] Microsoft Concealed Feature May Damage Windows PCs On April 6th

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Microsoft Concealed Feature May Damage Windows PCs On April 6th

AFDERT Alert (forwarded to us by Nick Sandru, ns@sandes.dk)
For immediate release

1. Introduction

The AFDERT has received recently a report from a source
inside Microsoft regarding a secret feature that has been
included in all PCs with preinstalled Windows sold after
the US Department of Justice (DoJ) filed a lawsuit against
Microsoft for violating the antitrust legislation.

There is strong evidence supporting the possibility that
this report has been leaked intentionally by Microsoft in
advance of the April 6th deadline for an agreement between
Microsoft and the DoJ. It is believed that Microsoft
intends to use this secret feature to impose their terms
on the DoJ.

2. Description of the problem

The report claims that the secret feature, tagged by
AFDERT as 'BabyPC', is capable of splitting a Windows PC
into its components. It can be activated by signals sent
from Redmond, WA, should Microsoft be forced to split into
"BabySofts".

According to the report the 'BabyPC' feature, when
activated, causes the following sequence of events:

- The screws holding the PC's cover are expelled
  violently.

- The cover, the motherboard, the disk drives and the
  power supply are separated from the chassis.

- The add-on PC boards (I/O controller, video display
  interface, sound inteface and so on) are thrown from the
  motherboard.

- The socket-mounted components, including the processor,
  are expelled from the their sockets.

- The keyboard and the mouse disintegrate and keys,
  buttons and other parts are thrown in all directions.

After the split the PC can be reassembled and can even
become functional again at a lower performance level if
enough parts can be retrieved.

3. Impact

The PC ceases to function and its operator is exposed to
the risk of beeing hit by flying debris. The 'BabyPC'
feature is likely to cause widespread disruptions
affecting all aspects of modern life. The hospitals'
emergency services might be overwhelmed by the many
casualties caused by 'BabyPC'

4. Computers affected

Any PC with preinstalled Windows 98, 2000 or NT delivered
after the DoJ vs. Microsoft lawsuit started in 1998

5. Protection

The best protection is to switch to another operating
system, such as Linux. The 'BabyPC' feature requires the
Internet Exploder for activation.

Alternatively, if you are forced to use Microsoft Windows,
you may protect yourself by taking the following measures:

- Solder all socket-mounted components on their sockets.

- Weld the power supply on the chassis.

- Replace the cover with 1/2" steel plates welded on the
  chassis.

- Put something heavy (for example a set of Unix manuals)
  on your keyboard.

- Don a bulletproof vest, protection goggles and a
  motorcycle helmet if you have to work with your PC on
  the 6th of April.

- Move your PC away from your home. Do not place it near
  nuclear power plants, oil reffineries, ammunition depots
  or other similar sites. Recomended places are the Nevada
  test range, the Semipalatinsk nuclear test area in
  Kazakhstan and the Bikini atol in the Pacific.

---

This alert has been brought to you by:
April Fools' Day Emergency Response Team


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