[humorix] Beowulf Cluster Runs for President!

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Beowulf Cluster Runs for President!
Matthew "Dare to be stupid!" Adair, linux_ys@yahoo.com
March 29, 2000
from the g-w-bush-equals-gwbasic dept.

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS -- At a press conference held at
MIT today, two unidentified hackers unveiled the world's
most powerful Beowulf cluster -- and startled the audience
by announcing that the system, named THOR, is running for
US President under the GNU Party platform.

Said one of the hackers, "We all know that a large Beowulf
cluster is extremely powerful.  I would go as far as saying
that our 16384-node cluster is more capable than any
candidate out there.  Note to mention that our computer is
unable to tell lies or accept bribes. Our cluster is the
best man... er, machine for the job.  As the nominee for
the GNU Party, THOR supports a Bazaar-style economy, no
Internet taxation, strong anti-trust laws, copyright law
reform, and an elimination of oppressive anti-geek laws."

Reaction to the news has been mixed.  One enthusiastic MIT
CompSci professor said, "Al Gore has already failed the
Turing Test.  Many people have mistaken his monotone voice
and bland, formal speeches for computer generated output.
If this GNU Party cluster can pass the Turing Test (which
I'm sure it will), then Al Gore won't stand a chance
against it. I'm not sure about Dubya; it's hard for a
computer to fake stupidity like that."

However, quite a few have been quick to point out
problems.   One Slashdot poster commented, "A 16000-node
Beowulf cluster in charge of a nation sounds cool, but
couldn't this turn into another HAL?"  Somebody else asked,
"Why do I get the sinking feeling that this is somehow
unconstitutional?"  One Anonymous Coward posted, "How on
earth are you going to fit a 16384-node Beowulf cluster
into the Oval Office?  MEEPT!"

People outside of technical fields seem rather skeptical
about the whole idea. Said one member of the Moral
Majority(tm)(R)(C), "Why would anybody elect a machine to
an office that requires moral integrity and human
judgment?   This is yet another attempt by radical liberals
on the Left Coast to destroy our Conservative ideals! Vote
for Bush and true American values!"


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