[humorix] Greed Inc. Acquires Microsoft

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Greed Inc. Acquires Microsoft!
Matthew "I still have no nickname" Adair
 
REDMOND, WA -- Our Vast Spy Network(nonTM) has just
received word that Greed, Inc. (Nasdaq: CASH) has initiated
a hostile takeover of Microsoft for 256 billion dollars. 
This little-known (but high-profit) multinational
corporation, we are told, makes money by acquiring other
companies and marketing their complex and user-hostile
products.  As one source noted, "Greed operates much like
Microsoft... Only about 50 times worse, which makes this a
match made in hell."

Greed CEO, Ms. Robberta Barone, announced in a press
release issued just minutes ago, "We at Greed, Inc. have
been monitoring Microsoft for years and are very delighted
with its line of bloatware.  We feel that by purchasing
Microsoft we can more efficiently fulfill our Mission
Statement of  'Making consumers miserable by turning
Capitalism exclusively to our advantage, while earning a
huge profit.'"

Bill Gates, Chief Bloatware Architect for Microsoft, seemed
rather shaken in a hastily conducted ActiveTelecast(tm)
over the Microsoft Network(tm).  He uttered, "The only way
they could buy us out is if they are richer than I am! 
Holy crap, I'm not the Richest Man Alive(tm) after all!"

This breaking news is already causing a firestorm of
activity on Slashdot.  Indeed, the server has already
crashed.  Rob Malda said, "I hate this!  Whenever important
news breaks the server always overloads.  How can we be
'News for Nerds' if we can't stay online when news breaks?"

Fred Moody jumped out a window at ABCNews's offices after
yelling, "Without Microsoft my life has no meaning!" We
haven't received word yet on Jesse Berst's reaction.


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