[humorix] Microsoft Releases Office 2005 Poll Results

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Microsoft Releases Office 2005 Poll Results
Timm Murray, admin@madtimes.com
February 29, 2000

REDMOND, WA -- At a press conference held earlier today,
Microsoft announced the results of a poll about Office 2005
(to be released in 2007). Microsoft polled 2,058 people
(most of whom were Microsoft employees) if they would like
the ability to kill roaches put into Office 2005.

43% of those polled said they would definitely like to be
able to squish roaches with the upcoming product, 51% said
it would be an OK feature, 2% were nature types that were
against killing roaches, and 4% said it was a bad idea.

Upon further investigation, it was found that those 4% were
actualy zealots of alternative operating systems, most of
whom stated "What the $%*& are you talking about!  That
would be just another bloated feature!"  However, Microsoft
labled them fools, since obviously the masses want to
squish roaches with just a click of the mouse.

Dubbed "DirectSquish", the new patent pending feature is
expected to add 300 gigabytes to the installation and an
extra three years of development, thus pushing back Office
2005's release date to sometime in 2008.  The extra bloat
will hardly be a problem, one Microsoft offical said, since
"we'll all have three terabyte hard drives by then anyway".
-
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