[humorix] Microsoft Acquires Red Hat

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Microsoft Acquires Red Hat
Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, bero@redhat.de
December 9, 1999

REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft stock surged 86% earlier today on
rumors that the company had acquired Red Hat, Corel, and
SuSE.  Ziff-Davis was the first to publish the rumors in
the story, "Pigs Are Flying: Microsoft Acquires Linux
Companies". MSNBC quickly followed suit with their article,
"Bill Gates Will Feast On Cooked Penguin Tonight".

However, both news agencies were forced to retract their
sensational stories after it was discovered (thanks in part
to Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm)) that the rumors were
greatly exaggerated.  Bill Gates did indeed purchase Red
Hat... or rather, a nice bright red fedora at a fashion
store in Redmond. And, he did purchase two gifts for his
daughter: a piece of coral from the Pacific, and a Dr.
Seuss book.

In a retraction posted reluctantly by Ziff-Davis, the
reporter states, "One of my well-placed sources inside
Microsoft called me and said that Bill Gates had just
acquired a red hat, some coral, and a Seuss book.  The
connection wasn't very clear, so I thought he said that
Bill Gates had acquired Red Hat, Corel, and SuSE..."

At the height of the maelstrom Taco Boy demonstrated his
journalistic integrity by posting an article titled "HOLY
SHIT! ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!" on Slashdot,
generating upwards of 850 comments within an hour.  The
responses ranged from "First post! I rule!" (Score 2,
Funny) to "I told you Red Hat was like Microsoft" (Score 5,
Insightful) to "Did anybody actually read the press release
that Microsoft just issued?  Bill Gates purchased a red
hat, not the company!" (Score -1, Flamebait)

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