[humorix] Welcome to Humorixia

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Welcome to Humorixia
Jon Splatz, Humorix Pundits & Lawyer Basher
November 3, 1999

"We the Geeks of Humorixia, in Order to form a more
perfect, bullshit-free Society, establish real Justice,
insure domestic Freedom, provide for the common defense of
Geeks, promote the general Quality of Software, and secure
the Blessings of Free Software to ourselves and our
Posterity, do ordain and establish this General Social
License for the Nation of Humorixia..."

Last week I reviewed Sue Peena's book "...Guide to
Defending Against Lawsuits...". At the time I thought her
suggestion to "found an independent nation" (Chapters 5 and
7) was beyond ludicrous.  

I've changed my mind.  Within the last week several
assaults have been made against the Geek Community: the
McDonnell-Douglas Y2K patent, the Toshiba lawsuit
aftermath, Australia's new censorship law,  RealNetwork's
privacy brouhaha... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Something has to give.  The lawyers and PHBs of society are
out of control.

I joked about it before, but now I'm serious.  We need to
found an independent nation FOR geeks BY geeks.  There's
bound to be some uninhabited island out in the Pacific that
we could lay claim to.

This new island paradise -- which I'll call Humorixia --
should be based on a written Social License.  Below I've
drafted a prototype of this document.

What do you think?  Write me at
jonsplatz@i-want-a-website.com

---

THE HUMORIXIA GENERAL SOCIAL LICENSE
Version 1.0, November 3, 1999

The Constitutions and Social Contracts for most nations are
designed to take away your individual freedoms.  By
contrast, this Humorixia General Social License is intended
to guarantee your freedoms.

To protect your rights, we need to make restrictions that
forbid anyone to deny you these rights or to ask you to
surrender the rights. These restrictions translate to
certain responsibilities for you if you are a Citizen of
Humorixia.

Also, for each Citizen's protection and ours, we want to
make certain that everyone understands that there is no
warranty for this free Citizenship.  If the United State
launches nuclear warheads against us, or if Microsoft
deploys a fleet of Intellectual Property Police in black,
unmarked helicopters, then you are on your own.

You are not required to accept this License, since you have
not signed it.  However, nothing else grants you Humorixia
Citizenship and accompanying Rights and Privileges.

The precise Terms and Conditions for Citizenship in the
Nation of Humorixia are described in the rest of the
General Social License.

Article I. -- Legislative Branch

Section 0. All legislative powers shall be vested in all
Citizens by means of the Grand Message Board and the
guiding principles of "Rough Consensus" and "Running Code".

Section 1. Amendments, patches, alterations, and addendums
to this License shall be submitted to the Grand Message
Board in diff(1) format. During a one (1) week interval,
Citizens may post comments to the Grand Message Board along
with a single vote of 'Yes', 'No', or 'I Don't Care'.

If the number of 'Yes' votes is in excess of three-fifths,
then the patch shall be submitted to the Benevolent
Dictator who will apply the patch and distribute the
upgraded version of the License to all Official Mirrors.

Article II. -- Executive Branch

Section 0. The powers to enforce this License shall be
vested in the Benevolent Dictator and the Benevolent Vice
Dictator. These officials shall be elected twice per year
by popular vote on the Grand Message Board.

Section 1. The Benevolent Dictator shall be the Keeper Of
The Root Password, the Guardian Of The General Social
License, the Commander In Chief Of The Geeks With Guns, and
the Metaphorical Grand Poobah.  The Benevolent Vice
Dictator is the Protector Of The Official Tape Backups and
Administrator Of The Vast Spy Network(nontm).

Section 2. The Vast Spy Network(nontm) shall handle all
Foreign Policy and Espionage.  Any Citizen may become a
member of the Vast Spy Network after completing an
extensive training course and receiving a wireless uplink
by means of a Neural Implant From the Future(nontm).

Section 3. The Benevolent Dictator and Vice Dictator, and
all Civil Service officers in the Nation Of Humorixia shall
be removed from Office on Impeachment and Conviction for:
Treason, Aiding Script Kiddies, Unauthorized Code Forking,
or Selling His Soul To Bill Gates.

Article III. -- Judicial Branch

Section 0. A single Meta-Moderator Judge serving an elected
six-month term shall be vested with exclusive judicial
power.  The Judge shall, at His discretion, revoke the
Citizenship of, levy fine against, and/or publicly ridicule
any Citizen who is found guilty of infringing on the terms
of this License.

Article IV. -- Rights, Priviliges, and Benefits Of
Citizenship

Section 0. All Citizens shall enjoy the following benefits:

0. Full and unhindered access to the Island of Humorixia in
the South Pacific.

1. Supply of electricity by means of a Waste-To-Energy
Power Plant burning discarded boxes, documentation, and
media of proprietary software (i.e. Microsoft Windows).
Each Citizen is directed to contribute at least five (5)
kilograms of such material per year.

2. Total protection from all lawsuits and legal actions
originating from any other country or jurisdiction.

3. Unlimited free domain names registered under Humorixia's
TLD.

4. Full use of the Humorixia Vast Spy Network(nontm) for
the purposes of retaliating against spam, Script Kiddie
attacks, or Denial Of Service attacks.

5. Broadband Internet access via retrofitted Humorix Spy
Satellite Number Two.

6. Humorixia Gold Credit Card and Secret Handshake accepted
worldwide.

7. No taxes, although all Citizens are requested to
contribute at least two (2) items per year of Free
Software, Documentation, or other related Services towards
the Betterment of the Geek Community.

8. Gratis "Got Freedom?" T-shirts to the first five hundred
(500) people who apply for Citizenship.

9. Right to post one comment and one vote on the Grand
Message Board per issue or discussion.

10. The usual rights to free speech, press, assembly,
religion, Internet access, encryption, etc.

Article V. Illegal Activities

Section 0. The following activities are outside the bounds
of this License and may result in termination of your
Citizenship per Article III:

0. Using Humorixia resources to aid the spread,
distribution, and sale of software that does not meet the
terms of the Debian Free Software Guidelines (or
equivalent).  

1. Distribution of unsolicited bulk commercial email under
any circumstances.

2. Obtaining a Law Degree from any institution under any
circumstances. [In other words, no lawyers allowed.  This
will certainly put a stop to the Lawyerclysm -- Jon Splatz]

3. Inflicting physical harm on any other Citizen or their
Computer Equipment (i.e. installing Windows as a prank,
executing a malicious rm(1) command, etc.)

4. Holding stock or other monetary interests in a company
listed on the Official Black List, including Microsoft,
Unisys, and Network Solutions.  This Black List may be
updated by three-fifths popular vote on the Grand Message
Board.

5. Posting a so-called "First post!" comment to the Grand
Message Board.

========================================================

UPDATE by The Editor:

Just as this opinion piece went to press, the following
letter arrived from Microsoft's Legal Department.  As much
as we hate to admit it, the contents of this letter
actually validate some of Jon Splatz's ramblings.

---

Dear Valued Mr. Splatz,

Please pass this note on to Sue Peena, the author of the
book you recently reviewed.  Unfortunately, her address is
not revealed in the book itself, and we have been unable to
convince a judge to issue a subpoena to Sue Peena.

Ms. Peena,

We have come to the conclusion that your book violates as
many as 37 Microsoft patents and contains at least 7
unproven statements damaging the reputation of Microsoft.
Following your advice from Chapter  3, we see ourselves
forced to file suit against you.

Our lawsuit contains, but is not limited to, the following
items:

1. Your name is listed as "Ms. Peena". "Ms" is a registered
   trademark of Microsoft, Corp., and not acknowledged as
   such.

2. Your usage of the term "BEC" with Microsoft is correct,
   but you fail to state that the term BEC is short for
   "Best Ever Company".

3. Chapters 5 and 6 are a reproduction of internal
   Microsoft research papers (aka Halloween VII and VIII),
   which we have just begun to execute. (see the result of
   the DOJ lawsuit against us)

4. Your Chapter 0 ("Opening statements") violates a patent
   held by Microsoft Press (starting a book with a chapter
   with any heading indicating it is the first chapter).

5. You have composed a book entirely of WORDs, without
   buying an adequate number of Microsoft Word(R) licenses.

Sincerely,

C.A. Pitalist
Chairman, Microsoft Legal Department

Sue Menot
Assistant Chief Of Lawsuits Against Individuals, Microsoft
Legal Department

L. Awier
MSCL (Microsoft Certified Lawyer) #15,103

-
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/