[humorix] One Year of Humorix

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

One Year of Humorix
July 25, 1999

It may seem hard to believe, but this Linux humor website
has been online for a full 365 days.  That's 8760 hours. 
525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds.  154 Microsoft
acquisitions.  323 Internet Explorer exploits.  150,323
first posts on Slashdot.  To mark this achievement, the
Humorix staff has compiled a brief history of the Humorix
Era.

* July 25, 1998 (2:43 PM Central)

The very first Humorix article[1] is published.

* July 25, 1998 (3:58 PM Central)

A spam message advertising "SOFTWARE TO ELIMINATE ALL SPAM"
is received in our newly created
humorix@i-want-a-website.com address.

* July 25, 1998 (4:12 PM Central)

We receive the first flame email from an irate reader
complaining that our "Red Neck Linux" article[2] is
"offensive".

* July 25, 1998 (5:10 PM Pacific)

Our newly organized Vast Spy Network(tm) reports that a
lackey in Microsoft's legal department has already
discovered the Humorix site and has sent a memo to her
superiors about the possibility of naming us in a libel
lawsuit.

* August 14, 1998 (10:12 AM Central)

Humorix is hit with the dreaded Slashdot Effect in
connection with our speculation that Microsoft might
acquire Slashdot[3].  As a result, our website hosting
service suffers several thousands dollars worth of damage.

* October 10, 1998 (11:39 PM Eastern)

Several underage drinkers are ticketed in Cape Cod,
Massachusetts after they got drunk playing the Linux
Drinking Game[4].

* October 29, 1998 (4:12 AM Central) 

We receive an email message in response to our article 
Could You Get Fired for Visiting Slashdot?[5]  It says,
"...In my case, the opposite is true... you should ask
'Could You Get Hired for Visiting Slashdot?'  I got my job
at Proactive Synergy Paradigm, Inc.[6] because I happened
to mention Slashdot during a job interview. In fact, it was
the only reason I was hired: I flubbed the interview
horribly, but when I mentioned towards the end that I was a
Slashdot addict, the interviewer said, 'You're hired!'..."

* November 12, 1998 (1:15 PM Alaskan)

A phone call from the folks at CBS denies the rumors[7]
that Linus Torvalds is scheduled to appear on The Late
Show.  The caller casually mentions, "The show's writers
like your 'Top Ten Changes If Linus Torvalds Achieves World
Domination' idea.  We might use a similar list on a show
next week..."

The following Tuesday the Late Show featured this "similar"
Top Ten List:

Top Ten Changes If Bill Gates Achieves World Domination

10. Instead of currency, all global wealth is measured in
    Microsoft stock shares.
 9. New York is renamed to New Gates City, Los Angeles
    becomes Los Gatos, St. Louis is changed to St. Gates...
 8. An illegal operation has occured in module
    TOPTEN~1.EXE.  The program will be shut down...

* December 5, 1998 (10:10 PM Central)

We receive a note from a Linux kernel hacker dismissing our
speculation[8] that /dev/null could erupt into a massive
black hole as a result of all the bits sent to it over the
last 30 years.  "There's no cause for concern," he writes,
"All bits sent to /dev/null are recycled back into the real
world via /dev/urandom."

* February 3, 1999 (4:14 PM Pacific)

Several dozen readers believe that our Slashdot Baiting Kit
article[9] is real, prompting them to call the ficticious
1-877-SLSH-DOT phone number. As it turns out, that number
is owned by a law firm in Spokane, Washington called
Slasher, Dot & Associates.  Mike Slasher called to inform
us that his business picked up considerably as a result of
our fake article. Could this be the first documented case
of the Humorix Effect?

* March 3, 1999 (1:15 AM Siberian)

We publish a press release[10] proclaiming that the Humorix
website is officially a "portal".  Within minutes a horde
of Venture Capitalists line up outside of Humorix World
Headquarters demanding to know more about our business
plan.

P.S. When they realized that Humorix has no business plan,
we were finally able to convince them not to give us any
money.

* April 2, 1999 (9:25 AM Pacific)

The producers of several anti-virus programs release
patches to detect the presence of the Tuxissa Virus[11]
that Humorix made up^H^H^H^H reported the week before.  

* April 2, 1999 (10:01 AM Central)

We receive word from one Linux advocate who said, "After I
heard about the Tuxissa Virus, I had a brainstorm.  I
installed Linux on my wife's computer (replacing Windows),
and when she asked what the hell was going on, I said with
a straight-face, 'You've been hit with the Tuxissa Virus'. 
World Domination is one person closer..."

* May 10, 1999 (12:12 AM Central)

In the article "I Got Your Virtual Property Right
Here!"[12], James Baughn offers to sell his vintage #285
Slashdot account to the person who presents him a dollar
figure containing "a whole bunch of zeros".  He receives a
bid for US$0.00000000000000000000000.

* May 10, 1999 (4:12 PM Central)

A bid for US$1.0 x 10^-114 is received.  (The buyer
stipulates that the final price will be rounded down to the
nearest cent).

* May 11, 1999 (10:43 AM Central)

A bid containing more zeros than electrons in the known
universe is received.  While this bid certainly tops all
previous offers, James Baughn replies in a brief email,
"I've changed my mind."

* May 13, 1999 (1:55 AM Australian)

After publishing an article[13] uncovering Australia's
sinister plot to ban Linux, both alert Humorix regulars
sent word that the Humorix website is no longer accessible
in Australia.

* May 24, 1999 (2:21 PM Central)

A representative for IDG Publishing calls and makes an
offer to produce a "Portals for Dummies" book based on our
Linux Portal Mini-HOWTO[14].  We decline the offer.

* May 26, 1999 (5:51 PM Greenwich)

The professor of CNT 136 at Centralia College announces[15]
that all students that visit the Humorix website will
receive extra credit.

* July 9, 1999 (1:34 PM Central)

The founder of the BloatX Project[16] sent us an email
containing some corrections to our article Bloatware Comes
To Linux.  The name of the new Linux distro is actually
BlooooooooooooooaatX.  The final version will come on 24
CD-ROMs, not 20, and it will occupy a total of 20.2 Gb.

* July 25, 1999 (10:29 PM Central)

The Humorix staff publishes a brief history of Humorix as a lame filler.

---

Links

[1] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/jul98.shtml#Mush
[2] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/jul98.shtml#RedNeck
[3] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/aug98.shtml#Microdot
[4]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/oct98.shtml#Drinking-Game
[5]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/oct98.shtml#Fired-Slashdot
[6] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/oct98.shtml#Proactive
[7] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/oct98.shtml#Letterman
[8] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/dec98.shtml#Black-Hole
[9]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/feb99.shtml#Slashdot-Bait
[10]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/mar99.shtml#Humorix-Portal
[11] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/mar99.shtml#Tuxissa
[12]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/may99.shtml#Virtual-Property
[13]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/may99.shtml#Linux-Censorship
[14]
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/may99.shtml#Portal-HOWTO
[15] http://134.39.125.244/unix/weekly.htm
[16] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/linux/jul99.shtml#Bloatware

---

James S. Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
-
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/