[humorix] Boston Software Party

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Boston Software Party
July 4, 1999

BOSTON, MA -- Thousands of disgruntled Linux
revolutionaries showed up at the Boston Harbor today to
protest "taxation without representation" by the oppressive
Microsoft Corporation.  Thousands of pounds of Microsoft
boxes, CD-ROMs, manuals, license agreements, promotional
materials, and registration forms were dumped into the
harbor during the First Annual Boston Software Party.

Some attendees sold hastily printed T-shirts with slogans
like "July 4th, 1999: Microsoft Independence Day!" and
"What do you call 10,000 pounds of Microsoft software at
the bottom of the ocean? A darned good start!"  Others sold
fake dollar bills with a portrait of Tux Penguin and the
saying, "In Linus We Trust".

One highlight (or lowlight, depending on perspective) of
the event was an impromptu speech given by Eric S. Raymond
in which he compared the Open Source movement with that of
the American Revolution.  "The Colonists had the Stamp Tax,
we have a Microsoft tax on new computers pre-installed with
Windows... [T]hey had the Declaration [of Independence], we
have the Cathedral and the Bazaar. They had the
Constitution... we have the Open Source Definition. They
had Thomas Jefferson, we have, um, me!"

Raymond's speech ignited a long-running thread on Slashdot
entitled, "Top Ten Differences If Thomas Jefferson Behaved
Like Eric Raymond During the American Revolution".  Some
items from the original post include:

2. The preamble to the Constitution would say, "We the
pragmatists of the Open States of America, in order to
foster the production of higher quality tea and
tobacco..."  

5. The phrases "the right to bear arms shall not be
infringed" and "Geeks With Guns" would be plastered
throughout the O.S.A. Constitution.

9. Instead of Congress, the "Open States Institute" board
of directors would make all of the national legislative
decisions.

10. Raymond, New Hampshire would be the home of the O.S.A.
capitol.

The thread immediately turned into a Raymond vs. Stallman
flame fest.  "If Stallman had been a Founding Father," one
rebuttal post argued, "we'd be living in the GNUnited
States of America.  Our Constitution would be called the
General Public License..." The discussion went downhill
from there.

Dotheads weren't the only people to scoff at the Boston
event and ESR's ego-boosting speech. One Australian ranted,
"I'm getting a little sick of those Americans comparing the
Open Source movement to some kind of US-centric democratic
revolution. It's software for crying out loud!  Eric
Raymond is not Thomas Jefferson.  Linus Torvalds is not
George Washington.  Bill Gates is not the King of England.
Get a grip, people!  If you want to combat an oppressive
regime, move down to Australia for awhile and revolt
against Net censorship!"

A history professor at a Boston university commented,
"Dumping Microsoft stuff into the Atlantic might be
therapeutic, but it's a waste of time." Any idiot who has
studied history knows that revolutions are most effective
if enemy territory is attacked. The French stormed the
Bastille.  We should storm Redmond!"

A controversial InfoWorld pundit wrote in his daily
column,  "The protest in Boston just proves my contention
that the Linux community is full of Get-Back-To-Earth
spirtualists bent on World Domination and Marxist dogma. 
Linux is doomed.  Windows Y2K is the future."


---

James S. Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/

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